Phase II, and Long Overdue

I am lying on a couch in Nantucket, Massachusetts. I am listening to Magnetic Fields "I Think I Need a New Heart" a lot lately. This song comforted me through the long, cold winter with Sean, made me laugh at him and myself and our tryings and failings and long chats about feelings and our broken-heartedness. Winter was forever ago, but a) I never update this web log and b) some things are slow to change, despite the scenery. The context of a jumbled and manic Self is so goddamn constant!
My emotional life certainly was chaotic and less than healthy over the winter and spring. I used this time productively, however, in planning & executing a new life strategy: prudent seasonal nomadism. Here I am, working on a farm on an island. Who knew. Many of my worries did not follow me here, exactly according to plan. Success. Money is not an issue. Listlessness is not an issue. Depression is not an issue. I am feeling purpose-driven, inspired, and optimistic. Healthy in a variety of ways. Of course I am bogged down by a half-million daydreams, as well as a half-million other daydreams, but such is the condition of my wormy mind. Immediate needs are being fulfilled. Short-term plans are coming to fruition. Long-term plans are on the drawing board and my dry erase marker is working overtime. Life goals? Working on those, too. Lately I've been thinking in terms of "I am" rather than "I should."
Tour is happening. Europe is happening. Farming is happening.
Renaissance Plan is happening, although at a sightly slower pace than planned.
I have all the time in the world.
The first phase of my life was spent dithering, fucking off, nervously avoiding people and things and experiences and challenges, and generally failing at one half-hearted/disingenuous/purposeless endeavor after another.
Phase II is on. It is happening. I am happening.
Controlled burning for maximized regrowth is happening.
This is it.

A note to a friend, 11/8/08

I have been neglecting this blog and several other areas of my life over the past few months. I am posting part of an email to my friend Chris which gives the interested reader a small peephole into what's going on lately.



Chris,

Linked dat.
I want to visit you and Shelly and the nascent, mysterious Mike sometime in the new year. I have so many plans that need to get underway, and it's so hard to make them all happen. Adventures are smart indeed. I have some big things rolling around in the ol' skull right now. Here's a brief list:
Get rid of most of my possessions
Give my car to my family
Quit my job
Acquire warm clothes for winter biking/walking
Finish the Points North record, hopefully being a major accomplishment of my life to date
Be shiftless, yet productive? Happy?
Be happier.
Dumpster more; eat more.
Not get eaten by alligators in the Everglades
Hitch/bike Phlorida Keez (see above)
Eurotrip (may-june?)
Start a collective house in Worcester (Reject Club?)
New tat. Soon.
I am doing well enough and am increasingly excited but at the same time I have a nagging and a longing that is hard to describe, let alone make subside. I find myself easily overwhelmed. I think forgoing my routines and stepping away from my comfort zone in these afore-mentioned major ways might allow me to find some more peace in my life.
--Personal life details omitted--

You are right. I have been neglecting my blog, and I think that exclusive "travel blogs" are hella bourgeois and lame. That's what Outside Magazine is for right? I'll try to stay on top of it. Keep in touch.

Your friend,
Dylan





See also:
http://721sandwiches.wordpress.com/
http://www.homestarrunner.com

Current reading: N/A.
Current listening: "Roman Candle" by Elliott Smith.
Current eating: I wish.
Current drinking: H2O.