This author is looking for beautiful experiences. This author craves interactions with others that inspire awe in himself and others. This author finds, instead, exchanges between himself and the outside world to be addled with pedantry, logistics, accounts payable and receivable, and cold cold cold logic/disinterest.  In a tizzy, this author updates his blog for the first time in over a year. Happy 2012.

Phase II, and Long Overdue

I am lying on a couch in Nantucket, Massachusetts. I am listening to Magnetic Fields "I Think I Need a New Heart" a lot lately. This song comforted me through the long, cold winter with Sean, made me laugh at him and myself and our tryings and failings and long chats about feelings and our broken-heartedness. Winter was forever ago, but a) I never update this web log and b) some things are slow to change, despite the scenery. The context of a jumbled and manic Self is so goddamn constant!
My emotional life certainly was chaotic and less than healthy over the winter and spring. I used this time productively, however, in planning & executing a new life strategy: prudent seasonal nomadism. Here I am, working on a farm on an island. Who knew. Many of my worries did not follow me here, exactly according to plan. Success. Money is not an issue. Listlessness is not an issue. Depression is not an issue. I am feeling purpose-driven, inspired, and optimistic. Healthy in a variety of ways. Of course I am bogged down by a half-million daydreams, as well as a half-million other daydreams, but such is the condition of my wormy mind. Immediate needs are being fulfilled. Short-term plans are coming to fruition. Long-term plans are on the drawing board and my dry erase marker is working overtime. Life goals? Working on those, too. Lately I've been thinking in terms of "I am" rather than "I should."
Tour is happening. Europe is happening. Farming is happening.
Renaissance Plan is happening, although at a sightly slower pace than planned.
I have all the time in the world.
The first phase of my life was spent dithering, fucking off, nervously avoiding people and things and experiences and challenges, and generally failing at one half-hearted/disingenuous/purposeless endeavor after another.
Phase II is on. It is happening. I am happening.
Controlled burning for maximized regrowth is happening.
This is it.

Simply put.

The author just wants to love and be loved.

Personal advertisement

Wanted:

Womanmate.

Prerequisites:

A frequent smile, a vigorous yet thoughtful sense of humor.

A beacon of positive energy in an aggressively bleak world.

Readiness, willingness, and ability to adventure wildly.

Readiness, willingness, and ability to fluctuate to and from domesticity and nomadism, as wild adventures deem prudent.

True Compassion for creatures and idea(l)s large and small.

A grasp on, and a downright enthusiasm for, one’s Blessings: living situation, food security, family members, friendships, sunshine, fresh air, snow, bodies of water, uncertainties, dancing, animals, touch, taste, smell, ideas, music, the human body, sex, love, etc.

Offer:

The initiating party (D.S. Clark) is offering a “relationship-at-will” arrangement. That is, either party can terminate the relationship at any time, with or without cause, with or without notice.

2011

I am like a stone, but a happy one.

December bumbling

I've cut out most every unnecessary feature of my life. I've learned so much about how to stick up for myself and strike a balance between being vulnerable and being steadfast...at least in theory. I don't have time for people who don't really love me for who I am. You can take a number. I control the flow into my inner circle. Initiating a zero-tolerance policy for those who can't comprehend the simple virtues of love and selflessness.

Agency carries me, and the onset of winter hardens my resolve more than ever before. Watch the heck out.

2010

2010 has been the best year for me since 2007. My pockets are full of things-to-do and things-I-need-to-focus on lists. Relax. Stand up straight. Walk tall. Show the world you're unafraid. Stop worrying. Enjoy it. Love.